Snape's Elevator Adventures
by A True Weasley
Summary: All Snape wants to do is get home by taking the elevator, but several people are showing up and giving him long detours.
1. Luna Lovegood and the Toe Hats

**A/N: Guuuuesssss what???? I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER!!! OR ANYTHING!!! NOPE, NOT EVEN DR. SCHOLLS, OR DEGREE, OR STAR WARS**

Severus Snape, Potions Master, was walking down the hallway to get to the elevator. He had had a long day at work and wanted to go back to his dungeon. So he pressed, the up button, and waited.

Then someone tapped him on the shoulder.

"Professor Snape," Luna Lovegood whispered, "There's a crumple-horned snorcack on your shoulder." She started wildly swatting at his shoulder.

Snape's face started turning a tomato red. "WHY NO THERE IS MOST CERTAINLY NOT A CRUMPLE HORNED SNOW CRACK ON MY SHOULDER, SO LEAVE ME ALONE!" Snape shouted.

"B-but Professor, I just saved your life!" Luna protested. "HOW?" Snape roared. "There was a large Bargafalhgsead coming up behind you, but luckily I was wearing Dr. Scholl's so it went away," Luna said calmly. "If there was I would have seen it," Snape said. "Oh no, you wouldn't have, unless you were wearing Degree Women deodorant," Luna said calmly. "Excuse me?" "773-202-de de de da! LUNA!!!!" Luna shouted.

Snape stared.

"So Professor," Luna whispered, "Today, I am wearing _new toe hats_," Luna said.

Snape thought, _WHERE THE HECK IS THE ELEVATOR?!_

There was a 'ding!' as the elevator doors slid open. Luna and Snape stepped in.

"Do you want to see my new toe hats?" Luna said. "No," Snape replied coldly. "Okay," Luna said, removing her shoes, "See, this one has a Darth Vader hat, and this one has…."  
Snape banged his head against the elevator wall.

Luna then pressed several buttons, assuming that the pattern she did would play Funkytown.

The elevator was racing up and down. Luna was excitedly hopping in a circle, holding up her shoe, hoping for good luck.

Snape thought, _I should have taken the stairs._

**A/N: So what did you think? R&R pretty pretty pretty please!!!! Next chapter will be coming up soon!**


	2. Ron, Hermione, and the Right Floor

**A/N: Guess what? I OWN NOTHING!!! Yes, nothing. Please don't flame.**

Snape was once again trying to get home by taking the elevator. He stood by the elevator doors, pressed the button, and hoped that no one would come.

But then Hermione, the obnoxious know it all, and her boyfriend Ron Weasley, the dirt poor Blood Traitor, approached the elevator.

"Honestly Ronald, you'd think that you'd learn by now," Hermione remarked, marching up to the elevator. "Had a nice night on the town, I see," Snape growled.

Ron swore under his breath.

"Watch it Weasley, or I will give you a detention," Snape said.

"Well Ron, we need to pass time, and you know what we must do," Hermione said. Ron nodded.

They both pulled out kazoos and played something that sounded suspiciously like Weird Al.

There was a 'ding!' and the elevator doors flew open.

Snape hurried in and took out a piece of chalk. He drew a box around himself and announced, "This is my personal space. No one except me can go in it."  
Hermione shouted, "GROUP HUG!!!!!" and she and Ron embraced each other.

Snape growled and banged his head on the wall.

Ron pressed a button. Hermione pressed another button and said, "It's this floor Ron." "Last time I checked, it was this floor," Ron said, jabbing his finger against his button. "No," Hermione said. "Yes. I even checked with Harry," Ron said, jabbing his finger even harder against the button. "No, unless Harry wants you to go to Myrtle's bathroom," Hermione said. "No, Myrtle's bathroom is on this floor," Ron said, jabbing another button. "No, it's on this one," Hermione said, jabbing a different button. "You're impossible," Ron said.

Cautiously, Snape stepped out of his personal space and pressed a button.

Ron said, "If you don't mind, we're trying to get to the 6th floor." Hermione said, "I thought it was the 8th." "Luna said 6th," Ron said. "Dean said 8th," Hermione said. "Like Dean would know," Ron said, rolling his eyes. "Oh yeah? And you chose to ask Luna and you're telling me that Dean wouldn't know?" Hermione said, putting her hands on her hips. "She's been there before," Ron said. "With who?" Hermione said. "Uh….Neville," Ron said.

Hermione fell over.

"Neville?" Hermione said. "Yup," Ron said.

Hermione started nervously playing her kazoo.

Snape really wished he had taken the stairs. Again.

**A/N: If you didn't figure it out already, they were talking about snogging closets. XD**

**R&R please please please please!**

**Next chapter coming soon!**


	3. Harry and the Buisness Call

**A/N: I own nothing.**

Snape, the extremely tired Potions Master, was trudging up to the elevator. He didn't know why he was taking it, but he was so exhausted that he did not feel like taking the stairs. He pushed the button and waited.

And none other than Harry Potter talking on a cell phone approached him.

"Yeah, okay, but I'm running late," Harry said.

Snape looked at him strangely.

"Yeah, I know, but I told you, I'm running late," Harry said, starting to pace.

Snape stared.

"Dang woman if you wanted me to come early you should have came and got me!" Harry yelled.

Snape had a bored expression on his face.

"I KNOW IT IS AN IMPORTANT MOMENT FOR YOU AND RON BUT I AM RUNNING LATE OKAY?!" Harry shouted at his phone.

Snape said, "Do you mind?"  
"I'm on a business call, so keep it quiet," Harry said.

The elevator doors slid open.

Snape and Harry stepped in.

Snape pressed a button, and Harry pressed a button.

"I need to go up," Harry whispered. "Really? I need to go down," Snape said sarcastically. "Okay, well I really need to go up," Harry said. "No," Snape said. "Yes," Harry said. "Shut up," Snape said.

Harry's phone rang.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ME HERMIONE?!" Harry shouted.

Snape banged his already bruised head against the wall.

"I WILL COME WHEN I COME WOMAN AND THAT IS MY FINAL WORD!" Harry shouted.

Snape thought, _If I had taken the stairs, none of this would have happened._

**Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee R&R!!!**


	4. LOLSeverus

**A/N: I don't own Harry Potter. No. I own nothing....but I gotta say this...LOLSEVERUS! No flames please.**

Severus Snape was-

Well, where do you think he was going?  
He was, of course, going to the elevator.

He was exhausted from work, so he got a coffee.

Some part of him knew that this was a bad, bad, idea.

Oh well.

He stood waiting for the elevator doors to open, when Dumbledore came up to him.

"HEY SEVERUS! I MADE A WEBSITE, LOLSeverus, WHERE WE MAKE FUN OF YOU!" Dumbledore yelled, waving his arms all over the place.

"How fantabulous," Severus said.

"OOH NEW PICTURE," Dumbledore shouted, taking a picture of Snape, writing 'I iz fantabulus.'

Severus rolled his eyes.

DING! The doors slid open and in they stepped.

"OMG, PHONE CALL," Dumbledore said, picking up his, phone then saying to the other line in a completely different voice, "Albus. What now?"

His face lit up.

"ONE MILLION HITS TO LOLSeverus?! OMG, SPAZZING TIME!"He shouted, doing an MC Hammer dance, "SO STOP. Sevvy time."  
"Oh my god, you did not just say that," Severus said, nearly passing out.

Dumbledore hung up the phone and said, "SEVERUS! YOU'RE FAMOUS!!!"  
The doors dinged and then Neville walked in.

"O…M…G..LOLSeverus," he said.

Severus had enough of this LOLSeverus.

**R&R....you know you want to. LOLSeverus. ha ha ha. I'll try to update soon.**


	5. Gred and Forge?

**A/N: By now you _should _know that...I DON'T OWN OWN HARRY POTTER! WAHOO! Oh, and All Your Base Are Belong to Us are not belong to me.**

Guess where Snape was going today?  
Ding ding ding! He was going to elevator!

Frankly, he really didn't even know why at this point, but he wanted to go home, NOW.

He pressed the button and waited….and waited….until…

Fred and George ran up to him.

Snape went down on his knees and said, "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Fred said, "What?"

"I can't take this anymore! WHY IS EVERYONE OUT TO GET ME?!" Snape said.

George and Fred burst out laughing.

The doors slid open and in they stepped.

"So George," Fred said. "I thought I was Fred," George said. "No, I'm Fred, you're George," Fred said. "Well then why don't we ask Dumbledore?" George said, pushing the very top floor button. "That's not where Dumbledore is," Fred said, pushing 2 buttons lower, "He's here."

Snape pushed the button to his floor and said, "He's here."  
Fred and George got angry looks on their faces.

"No, he's not," Fred said. "Yeah, George is right, he's…HERE," George said, pushing another button.

"I'm Fred, not George," Fred said angrily to George.

"No," George said, "I'm Fred."  
Snape said, "SHUT UP, WILL YOU?!"  
Fred and George turned and looked at each other, and then said, "ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!"

"What?" Snape said.

Fred whispered something to George and he smiled.

Snape would have gave anything to be stuck in the elevator with Dumbledore again.

**You will R&R if you know what's good for you. And...LOLSeverus.**


	6. The Super Tuff Pink Puff

**A/N: Yeah. I own nothing.**

Snape was of course taking the elevator.

No surprise there.

So he had brought ear plugs in case someone particularly annoying bugged him today.

He saw Colin Creevey approaching him and immediately put them in.

Colin looked around nervously and clutched his bag.

Snape decided that maybe for once he would be silent, so he took out his earplugs and put them in his pocket.

The doors dinged and Snape and Colin stepped in.

Colin backed away into the farthest corner.

And Snape realized he might _actually _be able to get home tonight.

So he pressed his floor button and waited.

Colin turned away and opened his bag and whispered into it, "Got enough air in there?"  
Snape was surprised.

"Professor, you must not tell anyone," Colin said, "In my bag…is Kirby. Like the video game character."  
Snape burst out laughing, if that is even possible.

"Do you want me to take him out?" Colin said angrily.

"Uh, no," Snape said.

He then did a little dance because he realized he would be able to get home.

"Uh…" Colin said, backing away even farther into the corner.

Colin's bag started to rustle.

"Uh oh," Colin said, "Back off!!!"  
Colin's bag exploded into pink light and out jumped Kirby, the super tuff pink puff.

Snape passed out.

**R&R. Now.**


	7. I Don't Want to be a Constellation!

**A/N: Yes. I own nothing. How did you guess?**

We all know by now that Snape was going to the elevator.

He was prepared for today.

He brought a book.

So when Draco walked up to him, he immeaditly pretended to be immersed in his book.

"Professor? I have a question," Draco said.

"What?" Snape muttered.

"Why is everyone in my family named after a constellation?"  
Snape was stunned.

They both stepped into the elevator, and Draco began.

"I am named after Draco the dragon. That is obviously a constellation. But then my aunt Andromeda is named after a constellation, and so are Sirius, Regulus, Orion, and Cassiopeia," Draco said.

Snape pulled out his book.

"Do they expect me to name _my children _after _constellations_?! I mean, sure, it's pretty cool, but won't other children be like, 'Oh, you're a constellation, you belong in the clouds.' I mean, my mom even suggested I name my kid Scorpius!" Draco scoffed.

Snape began to read.

"Why does this kind of thing happen to me?! Why do I have to choose what constellation to name my child after?! I can name them after whatever I want! Heck, I could even name one Pine Tree and I wouldn't care!" Draco said.

"Pine Tree?" Snape said curiously.

"Yeah, why not? And what about Poison Ivy, or Maple Leaf? Or what about Irish Jig?!" Draco said.

Snape decided it was time to read again.

**Ha ha ha. R&R. Now. DO IT.**


	8. Was This Homework?

**A/N: If I were J.K. Rowling, I would not be posting this story. So yeah, I don't own Harry Potter.**

We all know where Snape was going.

Yes, that's right my dear readers, he was going to the elevator.

This time he had a book and some earplugs.

So then Dean Thomas approached him.

He had a rather large black bag.

"You…you don't have….Kirby…in there, do you?" Snape said.

"Kirby?" Dean said, laughing.

"Do you?" Snape said.

"No," Dean said.

They both stepped into the elevator.

Dean pressed his button, and Snape pressed his.

"Wait…was this homework?" Dean said, taking out a piece of paper.

"No," Snape said, starting to read.

"Well….what about this?" Dean said, holding up another sheet of paper.

"Does that look like Potions homework to you?" Snape growled, eyeing the sheet of paper.

It had little doodles of Seamus getting eaten by a big bird, which slightly resembled Snape.

"Oh yeah…I drew that in Potions," Dean said, putting it away, "Well what about this?"  
"No," Snape said, starting to read again.

"Oh….okay," Dean said, "Did we even have homework?"  
"Yes," Snape said, "A 4,000,000,000 word essay for tomorrow."  
"Nooooo!!!!" Dean yelled, banging his head against the wall.

"And the essay had to be about why pineapples go east for the moonrise," Snape said.

"No! It can't be, because I have no idea why they do!" Dean shouted.

"Then you should have paid attention," Snape remarked, going back to read.

The only good thing that came out of that elevator ride was for the rest of the night Dean was working on his essay.

**R&R. Please please please please please.**


	9. Dumbledore is Santa!

**A/N: You shouuld know by now that I don't own anything.**

Snape was going to the elevator once again. We all knew he was.

This time around he had earplugs, a book, and a rubber duck.

So he sat, and waited.

And waited.

And then the Patil twins approached him.

They both were silent until they stepped into the elevator.

"Professor Snape?" Parvati asked.

"Who is Santa?" Padma finished.

"Why children," Snape scoffed, "I thought you would have figured it out by now."  
"What?" they said in unison.

"That Santa Claus is, in fact, Albus Dumbledore," Snape replied matter-of- factly.

Padma passed out.

"What?!" Parvati shrieked.

"Of course. But all that junk about Santa Claus being fat isn't true. Because as we can all tell, Dumbledore is of course not as fat as Hagrid," Snape replied, feeling very superior.

"So Hagrid is Santa?" Parvati asked.

Padma awoke and said, "How can this be?!"

"He uses a time turner. Duh," Parvati replied.

"Oh, since when are you the expert on Dumbledore?!" Padma shot back.

"Since when is _Snape _the expert on Dumbledore?!" Parvati asked.

"Since I became his spy and stopped working for Voldy, because I loved Harry's mother Lily. So I work for him now, and he tells me all his secrets, including that he is gay," Snape said.

"Dumbledore is gay?!" Parvati and Padma said in unison, their mouths forming large _o's_.

But the rest, my dear readers, is part of another chapter and another elevator.

**No offense was intended to anyone in this chapter.**

**R&R....because this story is worth it. :D**


	10. So sorry, Snapette!

**A/N: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING.**

Of course, Snape was going to the elevator.

And this time, he brought a book, some earplugs, and lunch (Ramen Noodles).

Horace Slughorn approached him, eating a rather large platter of spinach sandwiches.

"Hello there, Professor Snaper! May I ask what brings you to this elevator on such a lovely day?" Slughorn said rather cheerfully.

_You're probably here because you're too fat to take the stairs,_ Snape thought.

"I'm taking the elevator. And my name is not Snaper, it's Snape," Snape remarked, starting to eat his Ramen Noodles.

"Oh, I am ever so sorry, Snapette! Today I had a rather hectic day at work, and I'm afraid my mind might be on a vacation!" Slughorn remarked, even more cheerfully, taking a bite out of four different sandwiches, starting to do the hula.

"My name is Snape," Snape said angrily.

"Oh, so sorry, Snapie!" Slughorn said.

By now, Snape was hyperventilating.

They both stepped into the elevator.

"Why don't you just call me Severus?" Snape declared.

"Oh alright!" Slughorn said.

Snape rolled his eyes.

"So tell me Sevorus," Slughorn said, "Would you mind if I did a few leg lifts while singing opera?"

"Why?" Snape asked impatiently.

"Because I gotta burn some pounds before my party!" Slughorn replied indignantly.

Snape quickly pressed his floor button.

"I'll take that as a yes!" Slughorn cried gleefully, ripping off his robes to reveal a striped bikers' suit.

He began to sing very off key opera while doing leg lifts.

Snape wished he just ate lunch in the cafeteria.

**Hee hee....Snaper.**

**R&R. Now. DO IT.**


	11. I Need Some Help

**A/N: I don't own Harry Potter, and I never will, blah blah blah.**

Snape was of course going to the elevator, as we all know he would.

He was so exhausted from work that he forgot to bring his book and earplugs.

So he stood and waited.

Then Seamus Finnegan approached him.

He stayed silent for a while, at least until they got onto the elevator.

"Professor Snape?" Seamus asked tentatively, "Can I have some advice?"  
"On what?" Snape said tiredly, pressing his floor button.

"Girls," Seamus replied warily.

Snape banged his head against the elevator.

"See, I really like this girl, but I don't know if she likes me back," Seamus said.

Snape rolled his eyes.

"So I don't know what to do," Seamus said, "Do you have any advice?"  
"No," Snape said, "I don't."  
Seamus started crying.

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DOOOO!!!!" He wailed.

Snape banged his head on the side of the elevator again.

"Oh please Professor, please help me! I don't know who else to go to!!!!" Seamus wailed.

"NO," Snape said firmly.

"Please?" Seamus begged.

Snape turned his back on Seamus.

Seamus started sobbing.

Snape wished that he didn't live on the bottom floor of the castle.

**R&R. NOW. DO IT....DO IT!**


	12. Those Darn Night Terrors

**A/N: If you wanna find JKR (who owns Harry Potter), you better look somewhere else, because there is no owning of Harry Potter by me. Not even Star Wars. How sad.**

Yes, Snape was going to the elevator.

This time he brought nothing, because he was mentally prepared.

Dean Thomas approached the elevator.

He was, of course, silent until they stepped into the elevator.

"Professor Snape? I've been having these….night terrors," Dean said, looking rather embarrassed.

"Oh?" Snape said, "About what?"  
"Well…there was this one where I had to fix a toilet in under 10 seconds with a light saber…but then there was this one where I had overdue homework and Dumbledore kicked me out and failed me….and then there was this one where a had a rat stuck in my fridge and there was no more tofu…" Dean said.

Snape burst out laughing.

"You call those night terrors?!" he shouted, still laughing.

Dean said, "They make me cry! I wake up sweating and sometimes I wet the bed!"

Snape was in hysterics on the floor.

"No!" Dean yelled, starting to cry, "It's not funny!"

Today, Snape did not wish that he hadn't taken the elevator.

**Sorry about the late update! R&R...the button is calling you!**


	13. Don't Cha? No, Not Really!

**A/N: I don't own anything. Not even Don't Cha. How sad.**

Snape is going to elevator. We all know that by now.

This time, he brought a book, and stayed mentally prepared.

So when Crabbe and Goyle approached the elevator, he wasn't worried in the least bit.

They were muttering incomprehensible words and laughing, and Snape knew he wouldn't have to worry.

Or would he?  
As soon as they got in the elevator, Crabbe and Goyle broke out in song.

"Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? Don't cha?" they sang, doing the dance along with it.

"No, I don't," Snape said.

"ACCIO APPLE!" Crabbe shouted, throwing it at Snape.

It hit Snape in the head with such an impact he was knocked out.

**R&R now....now...now!!!**


	14. What's Your Nickname?

**A/N: No owning of Harry Potter here.**

Snape was going to elevator. Of course he was, why wouldn't he?  
So this time, he was mentally and physically prepared (he had a hockey mask on).

So when Ginny Weasley approached him, he stood completely still.

The elevator doors slid open, and Ginny burst into question.

"Professor, do you have a nickname?" she asked, "Because I do. And so does Ron. And Hermione. But don't tell her that."  
"Oh?" Snape said.

"When she isn't around and it's just me and Harry, Ron calls her Hermi, or Mione, depending on what mood he's in," Ginny replied, saying it as if it happened every single day.

"I don't have a nickname," Snape said.

"That's really too bad, Snapette," Ginny said.

"What did you just call me?!" Snape shouted.

"Snapette. That's what Slughorn said your nickname was," Ginny replied.

"Oh yeah? And what's your nickname?" Snape said impatiently.

"Gin. But it depends on who uses it. Because sometimes Harry uses it when he's trying to get out of something, or Ron when he threatens me about me telling Hermione about her nicknames," Ginny said flatly.

"What's Mr. Potter's nickname then?" Snape said.

"He's just Harry. Unless you're referencing to his 'Chosen One' nickname," Ginny said.

And they were quiet for the rest of the ride.

**R&R. NOW.**


	15. Christmas Comes Early!

**A/N: I don't own Harry Potter. No.**

Snape was taking the stairs.

No he wasn't, because we all know he was taking the elevator.

So Snape, being the man that he was and having 14 encounters with students, a headmaster, and a crazy teacher who thought his name was Snapette, believed that now he was prepared for anything.

So when Dennis Creevey approached him, he didn't feel as prepared.

"Professor Snape," he whispered, "On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Snape sitting in a willow tree."

"Excuse me?" Snape said.

"On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: two fighting Ron and Hermiones, and Snape sitting in a willow tree," Dennis sang.

"Wait-"  
"On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: three stupid Slytherins, two fighting Ron and Hermiones, and Snape sitting in a willow tree," Dennis sang gleefully.

"Excuse me?!" Snape said.

"On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: four lemon drops, three stupid Slytherins, two fighting Ron and Hermiones, and Snape sitting in a willow tree," Dennis yelled.

"On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: LOLSeverus!!! Three stupid Slytherins, two fighting Ron and Hermiones, and Snape sitting in a willow tree," Dennis said.

And it went on until the 12th day of Christmas….then the 25th….then the 64th….

**R&R! Please! Now!**


	16. Oh Trevor!

**A/N: Kay, because I'm getting tired of writing a disclaimer, I'm just going to put out this one, and this applies for the whole entire story: I don't own Harry Potter. All things Harry Potter belong to J.K. Rowling. Thank you.**

Snape was not taking the stairs, he was taking the elevator.

Because that's what Snape does.

So now, he felt very….queer.

He had so many strange experiences….and there were a few he would like to forget (Slughorn doing leglifts, Crabbe and Goyle singing Don't Cha).

He felt very…prepared.

Neville Longbottom approached the elevator.

"Professor Snape, I think I lost Trevor again," Neville said worriedly.

"Trevor?" Snape said.

"My toad. Last time Luna found him in her pillowcase," Neville said.

"Oh. You should be more responsible," Snape scolded.

"Well I try really hard…but it's just so….hard!" Neville exclaimed.

"You think you have tough, but I have seen things that you can't even imagine," Snape said.

"Like what?" Neville asked curiously.

"Like Slughorn doing leg lifts. Like Crabbe and Goyle thinking Don't Cha. I have been attacked by Kirby. I have been called Snapette. And I cannot, for the life of me, explain LOLSeverus," Snape said defensively.

Neville stood there dumbfounded.

**R&R. NOW. LOLSeverus!**


	17. Temper Temper, Snape

Snape was taking the elevator, because that's what he does, even though it will probably affect his mental health.

So Minerva McGonagall approached the elevator, and Snape felt very prepared…

Unless she was going to be like Slughorn…

"Oh Severus, will you stop looking like that? I'm not going to kill you," Minerva remarked crisply.

"Yes! Someone knows my name!" Snape shouted, doing a joy dance.

"What was that?"  
"Nothing," Snape said, "But you didn't call me Snapette."  
Minerva looked confused.

"Never mind," Snape said, "Just don't do leg lifts."  
"Severus, will you stop it? I have just had the most hectic day at work!" Minerva said, taking an Aspirin.

"No you haven't," Snape said.

"What?!" Minerva shouted.

They stepped into the elevator.

"I have had more hecticness in this elevator than in class," Snape declared, "So there."

"What? You haven't seen Slughorn doing leg lifts, okay?!" Snape yelled, losing his temper.

"Temper temper, Snapette," Minerva said.

Snape almost exploded from anger.

**A/N: I just realized something…I used Dean twice! Silly me…**

**R&R! Do it or Dumbledore will give you coal for Christmas!**


	18. Lecture, Lecture

Snape was of course taking the elevator, as we all knew he would.

Professor Binns approached the elevator.

"Hello Snapette. Did you know in 1892, Dumbledore ate some pie?" Binns said.

"My. Name. Is. Not. Snapette," Snape said, his face turning red.

"It was cherry pie," Binns continued, "And he had some with his brother Aberforth…and his sister Ariana…and they ate…and ate…and then they stuffed their faces…"  
"I really could care less right now," Snape said.

"So after the pie, Dumbledore read a book on the sofa…then he ate some more pie…then he took a bath," Binns said.

Snape stomped his foot.

They stepped into the elevator.

Snape was quick to press his button, because he really was not in the mood to hear about Dumbledore eating pie.

"Oh Snapette, you really should listen, this is very important. So after the bath, Dumbledore checked the naughty and nice list….then he read his book…and what do you know? He ate some more pie…"  
"Stop! Stop! Enough!" Snape yelled.

"Oh Snapette," Binns said, beginning to lecture Snape about how important his Dumbledore and pie tale was.

Snape, even though he got out on his floor, was followed by Binns, because he was still being lectured.

**R&R. Now. Now. Or you will be lectured about Dumbledore, pie, and books. GO!**


	19. I Think I'm Being Stalked

Snape, our dear Professor, was taking the elevator, because that's what he does.

So he stood, waiting.

And Pansy Parkinson approached the elevator.

"Professor Snape? I think I'm being stalked," Pansy said.

"By whom?" Snape said.

"By Draco," Pansy said.

"Oh," Snape said, "He has to name his child after a constellation."  
Pansy looked confused.

They stepped into the elevator.

"Well anyways, he won't leave me alone!" Pansy shouted.

"That's really too bad," Snape said.

"Please help me Snapette!" Pansy said.

"Don't ever call me Snapette! I will get Slughorn! Now!" Snape shouted.

Pansy burst into a rant in which Snape could not understand.

Snape was tired of this happening, so he yelled at Pansy to shut up.

And then they were quiet for the rest of the ride.

**R&R...you know you want to...**


	20. Are We There Yet?

Snape, our favorite Professor, was taking his elevator.

Because that is what Snapette does.

So Harry and Ron approached the elevator.

"Hello Snapette," they greeted him.

Snape sighed and said, "My name is _not _Snapette."  
"Yeah it is, Slughorn is trying to legally change it," Harry said.

"He's impersonating you," Ron whispered.

"Identity theft!" Snape shouted, going bezerk.

"Whoah, it looks like Snapette forget to take his pills!" Harry shouted.

"What pills?" Snape asked.

"You know…the ones you take for…_mental safety_," Harry said.

"Do I take those from the elevator?" Snape said.

Harry and Ron laughed.  
"What?!" Snape said, "You guys haven't seen Slughorn doing leg lifts!"  
They fell silent.

So they stepped into the elevator.

Snape pressed his floor, and Harry and Ron pressed theirs.

"Are we there yet?" Ron said.

"No," Snape said.

"Are we there yet?" Harry asked.

"NO!" Snape yelled.

"Okay…well how about now?" Ron said.

"What do you think?" Snape said.

"You said we'd be there soon and it's been a long time and we're still not there!" Harry exclaimed.

"I never said that!" Snape yelled.

"Liar! All of the Snapettes and LOLSeverus pictures, LIARS!" Ron yelled.

"My. Name. Is. NOT! Snapette," Snape said.

"Can we call you Snapple? But I still like Snapette," Harry said.

"Oh really? Well I like Snape better," Snape said.

"But Snape is so…drab," Ron said.

"Are we there yet?" Harry asked.

**WOOT WOOT! 20th CHAPTER!!! R&R!! NOW! Thanks to the sudoku kid for the suggestion!**


	21. Just Press My Floor!

Snape was going to elevator. No doubt about that.

So he was waiting for the elevator to come, hoping no one would come.

Hagrid approached the elevator.

"Well 'ello there Snapette!" Hagrid exclaimed.

Snape sighed and said, "My name is not Snapette."  
Hagrid laughed.

"O' course it's not," he said jokingly.

So they stepped into the elevator.

Snape was squished into the side of the elevator because of Hagrid's vast body.

"Could you kindly press my floor for me? As I can't reach it right now," Snape said.

"O' course! What's your floor?" Hagrid said jollily.

"-9,000," Snape said.

"Oh…" Hagrid said, searching for the button, squishing Snape with his buttocks.

Snape said, "Could you hurry it up?"  
"Well I can't find it!" Hagrid said.

"I would be able to help you if you would move your fat buttocks!" Snape yelled.

"Well there's no need to get all nasty on me!" Hagrid said, taken aback.

"Just press my floor!" Snape declared.

And do you know what? Since Hagrid couldn't find the button to his floor, Snape had to take another elevator.

**R&R. NOW!!!!**


	22. This Really Isn't Fair!

Snape, our FAVORITE elevator rider, was going to take the elevator.

Blaise Zabani approached the elevator.

"Snapette, you know I'm a guy, right?" Blaise asked.

"Snape. And yes, I do," Snape said.

"'Cause every single darn fan thinks I'm a woman! I am CLEARLY a man!" Blaise yelled.

"Well, it wasn't actually ever implied what your gender was, but there were a few hints," Snape said.

"But it just isn't fair! Nobody was ever confused about Draco's gender!" Blaise whined.

They stepped into the elevator.

"Blaise, stop whining. And first of all, Draco sounds obviously like a male name, whereas Blaise can be for either a girl or boy," Snape said.

"But everyone knew _you _were a guy!" Blaise shouted.

"Well, my name is Snape, and it was said that I was a man, but now that everyone's calling me Snapette…" Snape shuddered.

"This really isn't fair," Blaise said, pouting.

**A/N: Sorry about the late update. R&R!**


	23. I Give Up!

Snape was of course, taking the elevator.

So he stood and waited.

Professor Sprout approached talking on the phone.

She said, "Grasp your Mandrake, but never in public!"  
"Excuse me," Snape asked.

"Well hello there Snapette!" she said cheerfully.

"…My name is not Snapette," Snape said.

"I had such a crazy day today! We were potting plants and-"

"I really don't care," Snape said.

"Oh Snapette! You should, because it's about you!"  
"WHAT?!"  
"Well, we were potting plants when Slughorn came in and he said he almost got the papers to change your name to Snapette!" she said cheerfully.

"That is not good news!" Snape shouted, "That's terrible!"  
Sprout looked alarmed, "We all thought you liked being called Snapette!"  
"I don't! It's bad enough that I was teased about my name in my childhood but now it comes back to haunt me in adulthood!" Snape shouted.

"Snapette, calm down-"  
"I give up!" Snape shouted.

**R&R! Forever! And that wonderful line 'Grasp your mandrake, but never in public!' DOES NOT belong to me. It belongs to those geniuses down at RiffTrax.**


	24. You're The One Who's Named Snapette

Snape, our favorite elevator rider, was standing by his elevator, waiting for someone to come.

And then Argus Filch approached, Mrs. Norris in his arms.

"Snapette," he whispered, "I was reading a book when Dumbledore sent me an owl."  
"Oh?" Snape replied.

"And it was about you Snapette," Filch said.

"What did it say?" Snape said.

"That your name is Snapette. Snivellus Snapette," Filch replied quietly.

"WHAT?!" Snape raved, going bezerk.

"Yes," Filch said, "And some day, when I rule the world…"  
"….What?" Snape said.

"…I would eat hamburgers…mmm….hamburgers…"  
"What does any of this have to do with me?" Snape asked.

Filch snapped out of it and said, "Because Snivellus Snapette…the world…domination…do you get my point?"  
"Not really, no," Snape replied.

"Oh…then you are obviously not smart," Filch replied.

"Look who's talking," Snape said.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Filch asked.

"I mean, come on, you patrol the school like a mad man, you confiscate random stuff, and then you're followed around by that devil cat! I mean, did you ever have an education?!" Snape said.

"You're the one who's named Snapette," Filch whispered.

**Alright alright, it's time for some bad news: Snape's Elevator Adventures is drawing to a close: the next chapter will be the last.**

**The good news: Go sequels! Snape's Elevator Adventures will most definitely have a sequel. And then: When i do make the sequel, requests and suggestions for characters are welcome, seeing as I would like some help from readers to make the sequel not the same as the first.**

**Now that that's over with, R&R!**


	25. The End

Harry Potter stood in the front of the Room of Requirements. There were 24 people watching him, anxiously waiting for an answer.

48 pairs of eyes staring him down.

"Well…who here hasn't gone?" Harry asked.

Everyone looked around.

"All of you have been on an elevator with Snape?" Harry asked exasperatedly.

Everyone nodded.

"We could send someone again," Hermione piped up.

"Well, everyone, since everyone has gone, I am afraid that this brings us to the end of S.A.E. group," Harry said.

Everyone sighed sadly.

"But now I'd like to acknowledge some people," Harry said.

"The thing that confused Snape most goes Dumbledore, for his ingenious invention of LOLSeverus," Harry said.

Dumbledore did a victory dance.

"But the thing that annoyed Snape most goes to Slughorn, for his ingenious idea of calling Snape Snapette," Harry said.

Slughorn did some leg lifts.

"I'd like to thank you all for participating in Snape's Annoying Elevator group," Harry said, "I'm sure Snapette will never forget-"  
Snape burst in.

"Never forget what?" he asked.

"Well Severus Snapette, this is our group, called the S.A.E. group, where we go on the elevator to annoy you!" Dumbledore yelled.

"What?!" Snape yelled.

"Yes! The 24 strange encounters you had were all made by us, on purpose! We'd come to meet twice a week: the first meeting discussing who would go and what they would say and do, and the second discussing that and picking a new person!" Dumbledore said.

"You mean…you mean…all those annoyances were on PURPOSE?!" Snape yelled, his eyebrow twitching.

"Yes!" everyone yelled.

"Are you serious?!" Snape yelled.

"Yes!"  
"Then who-"  
"The credit for this group goes to Harry, who decided we could all use a little fun in our lives, considering that Voldy is on the rise," Dumbledore said.

And Snape took the stairs home that night.

But everybody else took his Elevator, in honor of the adventures they had had there.

**Aww...I'm sad...it's over. But be aware, the sequel will come back and Snapette will definitely have more adventures!**

**R&R!**


End file.
